Where do I begin?
We’ve all felt it. The surge of anxiety when you realise you have more tasks to complete than usable hours in the day, and you’re not sure which ones are the most important and what you should start to work on first. If you’re anything like me, your desk looks a bit like the post-it notes got together one night, had a party and spewed all over the carpet. It’s like Mogwai when you add water. You start to make lists of all the things you need to do to get your project going, then realise you need to make a list of all your lists so you don’t lose something or forget a vital deadline. It’s overwhelming. You feel like an octopus is practicing interpretive dance in your belly, you can’t sleep properly, and when you do try to work you are either completely paralysed by indecision or you whirl around like Taz the devil trying to do everything at once – either way it’s usually unproductive. You question yourself, your capabilities, your life choices. Everyone else seems to have their shit together, so why don’t I?
The truth is, they probably don’t. In fact, the more graduate students I talk to, the more I realise that it is completely normal to feel like this. As my friend Lou said to me recently; ‘this is exactly where you’re meant to be right now.’ Great. Feeling like a meerkat facing a bag of snakes after 14 cups of coffee is not my idea of normal, nor where I really want to be, but she’s right. I’m six months into my PhD now and the honeymoon is definitely over. I’m starting to realise just how big this monster is, and I’ve jumped straight in with my light sabre and my nunchucks to defend myself as it started to hiss and spit, but I seem to have missed one essential component of winning this battle: my strategy.
What I’m doing at the moment is being reactive, rather than proactive. You know, the old: ‘crap! That thing I’ve just found out about sounds really cool but it’s due tomorrow, so I have to drop everything right now to work on it! Shitshitshitshit-shitshitshitshitshitshit how am I going to get it done and make it amazing with only one day to go when I have three other things I need to do by yesterday?????’ Rinse and repeat. It’s like a never ending cycle where there is no free time, stress levels are through the roof and I’m producing work that I’m not especially proud of. What I’d rather be doing is anticipating these deadlines in advance so that I feel like everything is under control, there is enough time to produce my best work and I don’t miss any awesome opportunities. Oh, and so that I can sleep. Like, the whole night.
But how do I get from where I am now to where I want to be?
Well, I am by no means an expert on this (if there’s anyone out there that is, I’d love to hear your suggestions!), but here are a few things I’m going to start with:
Decide what’s important
Right now I think this is the key to getting the monster under control. Looking at all the possibilities and working out which ones are the most important to me, which ones are necessary for the successful completion of my PhD and which other ones I have time for. I’m going to have to come to terms with the fact that I don’t have unlimited time so I can’t do everything I want to do and I’ll have to let go of some of my ideas (it’s hard - nobody likes killing kittens).
Write a plan
Once I’ve decided what the priorities are, I need to work out all the steps involved to complete the tasks and set out a schedule so that I stay ahead of the deadlines. There are a bunch of free Gantt chart software downloads online so I think I’ll check some out. Watch this space.
Stop comparing myself to others
This is one of my most anxiety-inducing and self-destructive behaviours. There are so many exceptionally talented, intelligent, phenomenal people in the world and I am so proud that many of them are my friends and colleagues. I’m always pleased when they succeed, but I can’t help feeling a teeny bit envious of them too. The thing is, their success does not diminish mine in any way, and there’s no reason we can’t all be bloody good at the stuff we do.
Look after myself
Eat vegetables. Exercise. Drink water. Talk to friends. Laugh. Relax. Sleep. Making time to do these things is just as important as doing the work, because if you feel good you’re more likely to do good work.
So, that’s the plan… wish me luck! Hopefully next time you hear from me I’ll have my shit together. Well, a girl can dream...
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